Besides assisting Sandeep with maintaining the website, the experience that stands out the most is my position as the web radio host.  In this role, I was able to interview those that have been directly affected by incarceration: from a father sentenced to 15 years under the Rockefeller Drug Laws, to a grandmother who was paying hundreds of dollars in collect call fees.  As someone who has also had both family members and friends behind bars, their stories not only resonated with the listeners who tuned in, but with me personally.

I wish the website much success in it’s mission and continued commitment to bringing these stories to the forefront.

Related Posts:

Listen Now: Losing your paycheck to collect call fees?

Listen Now: Documentary filmmaker- Children of incarcerated parents speak

Listen Now: Financial advice for families and the formerly incarcerated

If you are a child of someone who is incarcerated and you have a question for me, you have three options:

1. Post a question in the comments section below,
2. Send an email to questions@livesinfocus.org,
3. Call (646) 867-1891 to leave a message.

I also welcome questions from others who might simply be interested in knowing more about how the life of children is affected when a parent is incarcerated.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS: Have you turned to support groups and how did that help you through this time in your life?

[Use the comments feature below or call (646) 867-1891 to leave an audio message.]

Suzette with her ex-husband

The trip is dreadful, lots of trees pretty houses and women with children in a van going to visit loved ones that have been away in “confined quarters.”

Long roads with minimal lights & cars while still dark outside everyone trying to make themselves comfortable trying to sleep until their arrival and the driver calls out the facility’s name.

Writing information on a piece of paper, informing who you are.

Lockers holding belongings that aren’t permitted while you walk thru scanners hoping you don’t ring.

Florecent number stamping on the right hand slamming heavy doors bob-wires tall walls blue uniforms w/badges some w/hard faces others more relaxed greet you.

Escorted walks assigned seats & bells ringing while grown men in green come out the designated door giving a quick hello while they walk to check in.

Hugs, kisses, hand shakes, pounds, happy eyes, big smiles change for the vending machines singles for pics which capture the days visit five hours of conversation, memories, hopes & dreams children crying, playing happiness sadness – emotions, feelings all trapped in the visit room guarded by those blue uniforms w/badges as they look at every movement that is done.

The clock ticks & times flies & the moment to depart approaches like a thief in the night.

Emptiness fills the room as everyone prepares for that moment.  Children pull their daddy’s crying saying “let’s go” for they don’t understand.  Mothers, wives, girlfriends, significant others try to be strong as they say goodbye not to make the men in the green feel worse but emptiness fills the room.

A too familiar feeling as those heavy doors open & close behind you you feel as half your soul in left and entwined with the bob-wires handing the paper back getting your belongings & boarding the van again to see those long roads with minimal lights & a few more cars filling the highway.

All you remember is the smile try to rewind the moment you spend as you look at the picture breathing it all in until you feel it in your heart closing your eyes thinking, wondering what does the man in green feel right at that very moment.

Maybe one day your soul will be untwined & you will feel whole again but for now all you have to look forward too is “THE VISIT!”

When it finally arrives, the reality is that we often react in a way we never anticipated.

Here’s a moment you all can relate to: the moment your loved one finally walks into the house after a prison term.

What’s the first thing you will say to your loved one the moment he or she returns home after prison?

[See results here. No results? Then be the first to share what you will say.]

The first thing people will say when his or her loved one returns home:

No results? Then be the first to share what you will say!

After two years of enduring an incessant stream of spam at our Ning community site, we are moving to Facebook where people can actually share their thoughts, feelings and experiences without someone trying to sell them Viagra.

Within 24 hours of publicizing the Facebook group page, people have began to ask questions, post comments and really to form a sense of community.

We hope you’ll join us there to share your own experiences or expertise with the growing community.

Thanks!

Sandeep

The question comes in response to a recent post about struggling to care for a loved one in prison who is very ill.

Does anyone have advice for Elizabeth, whose husband is dying of cancer in a prison in Jacksonville, Florida? Please listen to the audio and post your comments below. I will call her and pass on all your advice. Thank you! [UPDATE: Our community columnist, Makeba Lavan, provides advice about dealing with a relative who is sick in prison in her video piece.]

(The caller’s personal identity and phone number were edited out of the message. Leave advice in the comments section and I will make sure they receive it–thanks!)

Link to mp3 (Right-click to download)

The site is called “Living as a spouse of an inmate.”

The author, who goes by the name K St. John, writes that she shares her feelings of living everyday as a single parent while her spouse is in prison.

Hope you have a chance to find inspiration from her thoughts and words.

Now people in the elder Davis’s situation–if they are in prison in New York State– could have other options. A new state law has made inmates with chronic as well as terminal illnesses eligible for early release, as long as they don’t pose a threat to others and have served half their time.

Passed last April, the law even grants eligibility to those convicted of violent crimes including second-degree murder, first-degree manslaughter and sex offenses, according to a report in The New York Times.

The new law coincides with a rise in aging and ill inmates serving longer sentences. Between 1999 and 2008, the number of inmates age 55 and older rose 79 percent to 74,000. The state reckons it costs $150,809 a year to care for a seriously ill inmate.

Have you had to cope with having a sick family member in prison? How has that situation made you feel? Call (646) 867-1891 to leave a voice message that we will share with others this site. Please share the phone number with others who might want to describe their experience.

Or fill out this form to share your experiences and see how others coped with the situation:

I lived most of my life in Harlem, but now live in Rochester, NY. I have been keeping myself busy by making short documentaries about social issues that usually get overlooked by mainstream America. I have 11 years of experience as a documentary filmmaker and an M.F.A. in media arts production.

I am currently working on “Solutionz,” a one-hour program meant to remind communities that the incarceration of a parent has lasting negative effects on a child. My inspiration came from seeing my son who is currently incarcerated. I would leave the prison after a visit and see the kids break down when they got to the other side of the gate. It’s just heartbreaking to see. It really stuck in my mind, the faces of the kids and how they were the victims. What was their story? What did they do to deserve the heartbreak? It touched me as a filmmaker to find out what is going on with these kids.

I am looking to interview male children between the ages of 7 and 18 who have a parent incarcerated for my documentary. If you would like for your child to participate or if you’re a child who would like to participate, please fill out this form [this information will NOT be shared with anyone else]:

My plan is to screen “Solutionz” in prisons so that currently incarcerated parents can be more aware of (and thus more prepared for) the emotional and physical status of their children. I have three young women who I have already shot some footage with in Rochester, but no boys at all. I really need males between the ages of 7 and 18. I am also looking for non-profits to sponsor the film and developing a package proposal. I need to have a fundraiser in NYC and Rochester, so I know I need some space.

Well, I put my beans on the table of what I’m doing and why I’m doing what I do. Not for the money, that’s for sure. As an artist, I love filmmaking. I love it even when I’m broke because it makes me whole. Sharing rarely heard stories with others is priceless for me.

If you have any questions, please post them in the comments section below and I’ll get back to you.

I hope to hear from you. Thank you.

You can also see how much money people spent receiving these collect calls and what they sacrificed in the results of our survey here.