(Suzette Soltero wrote the following poem while visiting her ex-husband who is serving 28 years and has completed 18 so far):

Suzette with her ex-husband

The trip is dreadful, lots of trees pretty houses and women with children in a van going to visit loved ones that have been away in “confined quarters.”

Long roads with minimal lights & cars while still dark outside everyone trying to make themselves comfortable trying to sleep until their arrival and the driver calls out the facility’s name.

Writing information on a piece of paper, informing who you are.

Lockers holding belongings that aren’t permitted while you walk thru scanners hoping you don’t ring.

Florecent number stamping on the right hand slamming heavy doors bob-wires tall walls blue uniforms w/badges some w/hard faces others more relaxed greet you.

Escorted walks assigned seats & bells ringing while grown men in green come out the designated door giving a quick hello while they walk to check in.

Hugs, kisses, hand shakes, pounds, happy eyes, big smiles change for the vending machines singles for pics which capture the days visit five hours of conversation, memories, hopes & dreams children crying, playing happiness sadness – emotions, feelings all trapped in the visit room guarded by those blue uniforms w/badges as they look at every movement that is done.

The clock ticks & times flies & the moment to depart approaches like a thief in the night.

Emptiness fills the room as everyone prepares for that moment.  Children pull their daddy’s crying saying “let’s go” for they don’t understand.  Mothers, wives, girlfriends, significant others try to be strong as they say goodbye not to make the men in the green feel worse but emptiness fills the room.

A too familiar feeling as those heavy doors open & close behind you you feel as half your soul in left and entwined with the bob-wires handing the paper back getting your belongings & boarding the van again to see those long roads with minimal lights & a few more cars filling the highway.

All you remember is the smile try to rewind the moment you spend as you look at the picture breathing it all in until you feel it in your heart closing your eyes thinking, wondering what does the man in green feel right at that very moment.

Maybe one day your soul will be untwined & you will feel whole again but for now all you have to look forward too is “THE VISIT!”

I just came across a terrific site that provides an “intimate look at my new life as a spouse of an inmate.”

The site is called “Living as a spouse of an inmate.”

The author, who goes by the name K St. John, writes that she shares her feelings of living everyday as a single parent while her spouse is in prison.

Hope you have a chance to find inspiration from her thoughts and words.

The holidays are traditionally a time for families to be together. That message is in the songs, the movies, and even displayed in storefront windows. What happens when your family is separated by more than distance but by the physical and psychological barriers imposed by incarceration? How then do you cope with the holidays?

We recently sat down with Dr. Harland Kessaris to talk about how to cope with the absence of a loved one during the holiday season and other questions asked by you. As a psychologist who specializes in re-entry of incarcerated individuals back into family and society, he was able to provide some insight into handling this potentially alienating time of year. (more…)

Family Life Behind Bars has been working very slowly on a project that looks at the healthcare that is provided to inmates and the role families play in caring for someone in prison. The site had a great personal audio piece about one daughter’s attempts to care for her sick father in prison. We’ll keep plugging away at this angle.

In the meantime, the New York Times has an interesting piece about how more prisons are starting hospice programs as the prison population ages with many of them using inmate volunteers to ease the pain of dying in prison. Without family to help deal with the illness, the last days or months of life can be difficult. Fellow inmates can help deal that remaining time.

One prison healthcare official says that “inmate volunteers bond with the patients in a way that staff members cannot, taking on “the touchy-feely thing” that may be inappropriate between inmates and prison workers.”

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS: How do you try to care for a family member who is in prison and ill?

[Use the comments feature below or call (646) 867-1891 to leave an audio message.]

The chances of seeing a parent go to prison have never been greater, especially for poor black Americans, and new research is documenting the long-term harm to the children they leave behind. Recent studies indicate that having an incarcerated parent doubles the chance that a child will be at least temporarily homeless and measurably increases the likelihood of physically aggressive behavior, social isolation, depression and problems in school — all portending dimmer prospects in adulthood, according to an article in the New York Times.

Former prison inmates are more likely than those who have never been incarcerated to have high blood pressure as young adults and to develop a dangerous thickening of the heart’s left ventricle, according to an article in the New York Times.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS: What health issues have affected your family after a loved one was released from prison? How have you handled the health problems?

[Use the comments feature below or call (646) 867-1891 to leave an audio message.]

Family Life Behind Bars just completed its second year of publication. I hope that you have found the stories of individual lives, the columns and the tips useful in dealing with the separation you are facing from a loved one who is incarcerated.

The project was fortunate to receive technical and editorial support from the CUNY Graduate School of Journalism and funding from J-Lab’s New Voices grant (which is supported by the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation). Much of what you see on the site could not have been produced without this support.

The New Voices grant allowed me to purchase equipment that I use in the media training workshops for community members who have been affected by incarceration and to pay the community columnists for their work.

The grant came with a challenge, however. I must raise $5,000 from the public in order to receive the final $5,000 installment from the Knight Foundation.

So I ask you for your generous support. Your donation is tax-deductable.

I must admit that I am not a fundraiser. I am happiest publishing the stories that so many families and individuals have been kind enough to share with us on the site and working with my students who are dedicated to accurately reporting pieces that might help clarify issues around incarceration. But I must also be a fundraiser to be able to continue publishing Family Life Behind Bars.

I know times are tough for everyone because of the free falling economy. But if you have found this site useful and relevant, please consider making a tax-deductible donation. No amount is too small!

Donating is easy and takes just a few minutes. Please click on the “Donation” right now. You do not need a Paypal account to make a donation.

Thank you for your support.

Sandeep Junnarkar
Founder & Editorial Director
Family Life Behind Bars

Fair? unfair? Have you seen family members come out completely changed? Changed for the better? Changed for the worse?

1. Post them in the comments section below,
2. Call (646) 867-1891 to leave a message.

I’ll be co-hosting a monthly radio program starting next week that will feature guests who will address many of the questions and concerns people have when a loved one is in prison.

Makeba Lavan, a columnist for Lives in Focus, Family Life Behind Bars, will also be a host.

During each show we’ll cover topics like how do you deal with all the bills piling up when it’s just you earning for the whole family? how do you overcome the social stigma? The idea is to help those left behind when a family member or significant other is in prison.

The first show will be on Monday, March 16 at 6:30 pm EST.  The show will feature the Founder and President of Children of Promise, NYC, Sharon B. Content.

CPNYC is a Brooklyn based organization committed to embracing and empowering children of incarcerated parents to break the cycle of intergenerational involvement in the criminal system.  The organization offers counseling, mentoring, academic tutoring, recreation and more.  Content will talk about the program and how this Bed-Stuy born organization has worked to change young lives.

People can listen live to the show on their phones or over the Internet. To listen to the show on your phone, dial (347) 326-9981. When you have a question, just press 1 on your phone. Keep in mind that the phone number is a New York number and your phone company will charge you for long distance calling.

If you are not in the area and don’t want to call long distance, you can listen to the show at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/familylifebehindbars.

We hope you join us for the inaugural radio program. We’d also love your suggestions for guests and topics for future programs. Please share those in the comments section below.

Maya Pope-Chappell, a graduate student at the CUNY Graduate School of Journalism, has joined Lives in Focus’s “Family Life Behind Bars” project as a multimedia journalist.

Last month, I was conducting one of my free workshops for youth who have an incarcerated parent when Maya approached me to ask is she could help. And now, in addition to helping with the workshops, she’ll be reporting and producing pieces using audio, video, photographs and text to help broaden the site’s coverage. She will also co-host a Web radio show starting next week.

Maya is an Oakland, CA native who moved to New York last year to pursue a Masters’ degree at the CUNY Graduate School of Journalism.  Her freelance articles have appeared in newspapers such as the Brooklyn Heights Courier, Contra Costa Times, and the Brooklyn Free Press, and online for sites like the Amsterdam News, Latina.com, and Whatchusay.com.